I was once a single mom.
But I didn’t fit the stereotype–I was not someone with low income, juggling more than one job to stay afloat and feed my kids. I think of women whose struggles are so much bigger than mine and I think, how do they do it? How do they manage without the support of a partner?
My struggles as a single mom were not financial, they were emotional.
My husband cheated on me. He cheated on me with a woman from Thailand. I was hurt, confused and embarrassed. Eventually, that led to depression. Yet unlike other single moms, I was fortunate enough to come out of my first marriage financially independent with a reliable co-parent.
But this financial independence, which should be celebrated, caused additional worry and insecurity for me. I didn’t know how to present myself to men. How would I broach the topic of finances? Would they feel threatened by my financial standing? Would men take advantage of me, control me? I was a stay-at-home mom–I had no outside job to explain my comfortable life.
After the divorce was final, my parents told me to find a strong and confident man to handle “the situation.” But I was scared to date; I’d been traumatized by what had happened. And dating after divorce is especially complicated! But at some point I wrote down what I wanted to find in my next partner and voilà, I met my current husband just a month later.
With some trial and error–maybe more error–I figured out what I wanted and you can, too. If you’re a strong, independent woman who’s looking for love and companionship, take a breath. You can do this. Be confident in who you are and what you can bring to a new relationship. It took time, but I evolved to stand firmer in my own truths:
Yes, I was a single, stay-at-home mom.
Yes, I am financially secure.
Yes, I am a kind, loving, incredible mother.
Yes, I am still lovable!
