Though I can only speak from the perspective of a woman who has fallen prey to a narcissist, narcissists can be both male and female. In fact, we’re all a little narcissistic at times. But as an extreme, it often boils down to personality and a pattern of recurring, toxic behaviors.
My relationship with a narcissist began with someone I already knew socially. He was the last person I dated seriously before I met the love of my life, David. After divorcing my first husband, I was insecure, lonely and depressed. I mourned the loss of my life before, craving an intact family again. I really thought this man was a ticket to a happy life: great dad, good with kids, the list went on. But three months in, I started to notice the manipulation and abuse.
Yet I was hooked on this guy. We dated a year and a half! His hold on me was tight. The emotional abuse was calculated: he controlled what I wore, who I saw, where I went. By the end, he had isolated me from all of my friends and family. I felt so helpless. What’s worse, I had become dependent on him. My narcissistic boyfriend had convinced me that he was the only one who would ever want me. You see, narcissists build you up and then cut you down.
I now realize that my insecurities post-divorce made me a prime target. Controlling men have super senses for preying on vulnerable women. And yet it’s actually the narcissist’s own insecurity that becomes the root of the control and abuse. Did you know that narcissism is not only a personality trait, but there is a whole spectrum that at the high end, identifies someone as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?
Thankfully, my story ends happily. But it was not without incredible pain. It was the hardest breakup I’ve ever had, which ultimately led to me hitting rock bottom before life changed for the better. But I got out!
