I was a high school counselor, but nothing prepared me for divorce and co-parenting.
After 10 years of marriage and two young kids, the reality of not seeing my kids everyday was frightening. My children were on a court ordered schedule (for my other divorced friends, it was a 2-2-5) and I saw them on a rotating schedule.
It was a dark time for me. The house was empty and the noise of laughter and life disappeared. I didn’t know what to do without my babies. I was lost and completely paralyzed. I was nervous about the food they were eating, structure with their dad, rules and safety. I lost all control.
Divorce was the easy part.
The lawyers take care of everything while their hourly bills add up. For me, co-parenting was my biggest challenge. I have to co-parent with someone that I have zero respect for and see my children half of the time. This was emotionally difficult and took a toll on me both physically and mentally.
It took years of different parental styles to manage parenting with my ex. For the most part, as co-parents we were successful. I tried my best to be respectful of my kids’ father and do what’s best for the kids. There came a time that I just couldn’t fake it anymore. I couldn’t do it. I had to be honest with myself, that this person is someone I do not respect nor do I have similar parenting values.
I didn’t tell my children or bad mouth their father, but in some ways, I think they saw the shift in me. The shift was my way of being authentic and honest with myself. My kids will respect me more in the end and that is all that matters.
Being real is now my safe place.
